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Showing posts from November, 2022

The world does not revolve around you

The world does not revolve around you. Everyone carries a baggage, their emotional baggage and to be honest, they don't think much about you. They don't care what you look like. They don't  care if you have belly fat, acnes, and a scarred knee. They don't care if you're not comfortable with a situation. They don't care if you hate that stupid guy at school or work.  Some people just don't give a fuck about you and I find that comforting in a sense that I don't have to be perfect and kind all the time.  Newflash! Nobody is perfect. We all have our flaws and our ugly side.  And that's okay. Literally.  It's okay if you fail, cry, laugh loudly, eat a lot, go to the gym and be healthy or drink all the time. It's really okay. This is your life and you have full control of it. Only you has full access of how you want to lead your life.  It's okay to disappoint somebody. It's okay to lose friends along the way. Growth requires dropping and l...

Prose, Poetry, and Thoughts: Entry #5

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Life has a funny way of making me insane.  My heart's in pieces knowing that I can’t have you No– Not in this lifetime. I love you for every lifetimes we’re in . I just know that I’ll always gravitate towards you. I can’t help it  My soul remembers you. And I do hope you remember mine too.  But, I can’t let this endless cycle of us crossing paths and falling in love happen in this lifetime. This has to end here.  With me. -E.  (Okay, I just can't stop sharing my works. I don't know I feel like sharing.)

Sea of Strangers

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In a sea full of strangers,  I’m scared I’ve got no one to share my life with.  I’ve almost lost hope with love. Life has been cruel to me. I stumbled and fell a couple of times. And I’ve got no one but me to pick myself up. I got my heart scarred, Given almost all pieces of my soul to anyone who tried to enter my life. I was naive and desperate for love back then. In a sea full of strangers,  There you are, looking for me. Finally,  We found each other.  -E.  (Poem was written for my on-going book titled, Things I Did After You Left. I'm not sure when will I finish this but I take it day by day. Mostly, I write my thoughts here in my blog and I don't have the creative juice for my poetry book.) Photo taken yesterday, when we went to the beach to celebrate our small wins and to make peace with our mental health. 

Spontaneity on a weekend at its finest

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It was 5 AM when I suddenly want to go to the beach. Any beach would do. I just want to see the ocean and its vastness.  I had this urge to go on a spontaneous trip with my sister. I've been restless for the last two hours of my shift. I was debating whether to push through with my plans or not.  Since it's already my day off and I believe we deserve a date. Lo and behold, WE WENT TO THE BEACH!  The weather was nice and calm. We both liked it and we talked for hours straight. Shared our thoughts about us being in college and our midterm exams.  Life was tough for us both. It really tested us to the extent that we became strong individuals.  I admire how resilient she is. We both lost our Mommy, our home, our safe place, and our comfort. We endured staying from one place to another just to survive.  But I'm glad we're both okay now. I'm proud of my sister. She's stronger than me. We were all smiles when we hailed a cab and...

Fall down seven times, stand up eight

Nana Korobi, Ya Oki That proverb means, “ Fall down seven times, stand up eight .” It means choosing to never give up hope, and to always strive for more. I never really understood its meaning until life happened to me. In high school, we were told to memorize poems, prose, and proverbs but I never really took it by heart. I was an insensitive person back then. ( Well, not insensitive but immature kind of way.) I was young and I thought being academically smart was sufficient to survive.  However, life proved me wrong and slapped me in the face with the harsh truth. I believe you need a strong heart and mind to survive this game. For me, life is about survival. Life will stretch you out and will definitely change you to the point that you’ll be humble enough to live life. You need to pick yourself up whenever you stumble or fall. To stand up again with bruises and scars is courageous and brave. Not everyone has the same drive and determination to continue despite the struggles and ...

First night working at home

I may sound like a newbie but I felt anxious when I was setting up my PC for WFH yesterday. Although this setup is not new for me since I was deployed for WFH/WAH before in my previous company. Doing everything alone scared the hell out of me. I've never done this before.  I felt proud when I successfully made my PC work and of course, I have my very own internet. It’s so petty to hear but I was overjoyed when I was able to do this all by myself.  It feels liberating to be my own hero. To depend on me and myself only. I feel independent and strong. I used to depend on someone for everything and even the minor inconveniences in my life. Lo and behold, I did this alone. It was exhausting and emotionally draining because I was overthinking it.  I was trying to figure things out and how to get out of this mess that I got myself into. And I did it gracefully. With God’s mercy, of course.  As of this writing, I’m thinking of ways how to pay my dues next payday and my midte...

When is the right time for everything?

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When is the right time for everything? I always ask that to myself. I'm an impatient person and for me waiting makes me anxious.  I guess that's the reason why God never answers my prayers right away because I can't wait. Though, I may look calm but deep inside my heart is in a hurry to get all the answers I want. But God's plans is way better than mine. I've seen His miracles and His answers to my prayers. "Everything in the right time", He said.  2019, I was such in a haste in finding someone to be with. Because I was impatient, I ended up crying over someone who didn't see my value. It was my fault because I put myself into that situation.  Yes. I'm stubborn. I guess God is shaking His head whenever I feel rushed and pressured with life.  As my age adds up and I somehow learned my lesson, I realized how fleeting the present moment can be. Every second will pass by and I didn't take the time to appreciate it because I'm too engrossed with...

Choose your battles

" Not all battles are meant to be fought " says my Mommyta, when were talking about her life as a PhD student in the University of the Philippines. A little context about my Mommyta, she's a registered Psychometrician and Guidance Counselor with Masters in Psychology and Counseling. She's a mom of three girls (my cousins), a wife to her amazing husband, the eldest kid, and my tita. She's basically everything rolled into one fluffy human.  Going back, I was feeling down and decided to go home and have some conversation with her. The conversation led me to asking how her studies was and her week in general. She replied with happiness and laughter that she was challenged with what's on her plate right now. Meetings, counselings, school and many more.  When it was my turn to talk about my week. I shared how anxious I was and that my triggers are reminding me of the parts that needed healing and compassion. I shared how overwhelming October was.  She smiled and sai...

2020 and the things I loved

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For some people, 2020 was the worst year yet. At the height of a global pandemic, I found solitude. I worked in a call center, and thankfully enough, we were deployed to work from home. ( talk about privilege) I, too was anxious. I was scared of the future. Will I die? Will I ever find true love before dying? Are we safe inside our home? And so on. The paranoia was uncontrollable yet I can say I found solitude despite of it all.  Firstly, I picked up a lot of hobbies. I started painting. I still continued scrapbooking and writing poems. I started reading classics AGAIN. I was rediscovering myself and I found out a lot of things that I need to work on.  I was able to soothe my inner child's cry for help and attention. Art was and is my savior.  Second, I learned to love teas and coffees. I loved slow mornings with my coffee, pandesal, and hotdogs and sunny side up. I would sit in our terrace and admire the slow and serene view of my morning.  Third, the am...

Prose, Poetry, and Thoughts: Entry #4

The things we do for love I danced with the Devil.  I played with fire.  I know the price I have to pay. The consequences I must face once the deed is done. I am a willing victim. To suffer eternally is nothing- than losing you while living. And so, I danced with the Devil. I made a pact. You might hate me for this But trust me,  I don’t regret selling my soul to be with you. All the things I did for love. Yet, love betrayed me. -E. (First published on Tumblr - Oct 9, 2022.) https://at.tumblr.com/klareeeesi/dlfvwpdv63gt

God is always on time

I was on my 2nd lunch break for my Friday shift. I decided to watch Begin Again starring Keira Knightley and The Hulk ( In human form. Kidding!)  Anyways, the train scene in the movie caught my attention. It was mentioned that God is always on time. He’s never late or early. Just in time. I pondered on that line. He’s right. God gives you the people you need at the exact time.   I was an impatient person. There’s a thin line between me waiting for something I know I’ll get versus me waiting for something impossible. But I’m a changed person now. I know how to extend my patience and to act accordingly while waiting. For me waiting for something or someone will be worth it. You’ll appreciate your struggles, your small wins, and what you did to get there.  Sometimes, impatience always gets in the way- I’m human after all. I get anxious whenever I don’t get what I want (I’m such a brat about that.)  We fail to appreciate the things we have in the present because we...

To rebound relationships and beyond

I searched this on Urban Dictionary, it’s defined as the second best. For me, it’s like a band-aid. Used to cover up the wound from the past. The temporary fix and joy. ( Ka sad ba)  I believe it is unfair to love someone in your former lover’s shadow. It’s an insult and offensive to the other party who just wants to love you.  I remembered what my Mommyta said that hurt people hurt people. Everyone is projecting their traumas, including me. I’m not perfect but I am aware of what’s happening inside my head.  I used to settle for being the second best because I thought I could make him love me. Here’s the surprising part, you can't. It’s not possible that someone who got their heart shattered can love someone else that fast. ( unless the love they have was shallow). Talking from experience, it took me almost 2 years to get over and move on from my karmic relationship. I spent my time fooling around and looking for a partner. ( I was young and reckless.) But the minute I st...