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Nostalgia through my eyes

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I always have this feeling of melancholy and magic whenever I watch movies from the 80s, 90s, and the early 2000s. I love how the people at the time were not hung up and addicted to their mobile phones like I am. I love how they don't have social media and mobile phones.  I think this roots in my childhood in Iligan. I grew up with my grandmothers. We lived a frugal life. We were happy and content. I remember reading books all day, and my Nanay would reprimand me all the time. She said I'll ruin my vision because of non-stop reading. And she's right, I did ruin my eyesight. I have astigmatism now, and I also ruined my reproductive health. After dinner, I would listen to the radio, waiting for the lottery results. My Mommy would wash us up and change our clothes for bed. I remember sleeping in our living room because it was comfortable than sleeping in our room. Life was forgiving at the time. It was simple and quiet.  I figured that old movies make the memory of my childhoo...
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On gratitude and the feeling of being left behind

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In 2019, I read internet articles about life's meaning, growth, healing, and other topics. I came across an essay whose title and author I couldn't remember. Credits to the writer of this article            The writer was giving advice for anybody who's lost in their 20s. I jot down the places I've travelled at the time, my accomplishments, and random adventures that I could think of. I made this my life's motto/mantra afterwards. I chased the thrill, savored the moments outdoors, and for every experience life has offered me  I made sure I was present in everything.  Then the pandemic happened. I formed an unhealthy habit of mindlessly scrolling on TikTok. I was constantly upset and tired at work, I was overstimulated, and frustrated because my life's plan got delayed for another 2-3 years.  It wasn't a great year, really. It felt like the world was spinning so fast that everyone who dared to pause gets left behind, and it does spin faster (...
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This is me trying

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This is me trying to become the best version of myself for me and my loved ones. When you're the eldest daughter, people perceive you as someone who knows everything. I'm someone who has everybody's ass when they need me. Unfortunately, I'm also hanging by a thread and am now losing my mind because of self-doubt.  I trust God and His plans for me, but I don't want to disappoint my loved ones. I hate to bring the bad news that I failed again. Yes, I'm afraid to be perceived as a failure. While writing this blog, I realized how hard I am on myself. I take everything to heart-- the rejections, the no's, and the not yet. I sometimes think of contentment, too. Why am I not content with what I have? Why isn’t 'enough' ever enough? Am I just making up excuses to justify my fear of going out of my comfort zone? Why am I rushing?  Why am I delaying? Why am I pressured to be successful? Am I successful? How do I define success? I carry many questions, but the ...
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I lack self-control

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Yes, that's right. I lack the discipline to sleep on time. I'm one of the guilty ones who scrolls on social media for hours, and over stimulates myself with ideas I know I probably wouldn't do right away. News that overwhelms me. Instagram stories of people who share their lives online, and so on.  In fact, Merriam- Webster dictionary recognized the word, Doomscrolling in 2023. Which means, " the tendency to continue to surf or scroll through bad news, even though that news is saddening, disheartening, or depressing".   I was one of the doom scrollers of 2020-2023. I indulge with overwhelming contents and suffer from anxiety the minute I put my phone down. It's such a shame that I'm still stuck on the loop --minus the sad news. This time, I doomscroll to read articles, watch booktube videos, scroll through my pictures, and look for references for my sketchbook.  But even though I've cut out the negative contents from my algorithm, it still leaves me fe...
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Conquering Mt. Kulago | The Hummingbird Mountain of Bukidnon

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It's already October 2024, we're almost at the end of the year, and here I am, grateful for every experience and moment. Last September 8th, I trekked Mt. Kulago in Impasug-og, Bukidnon—my mother mountain—my first peak. I was with my former workmate, Ate Deccy, and our mutual friends, Ate Rhea and RJ. I was invited by Republica after I posted my birthday camp with LJ last August 2024.  It rained so hard the minute we arrived at the jump-off location. I was scared that we'd never make it to the camp. I prayed to God that He may be forgiving enough to stop the downpour. I was thankful for the guides of Impasug-ong, Bukidnon that day. We crossed the Tagoloan River whilst it was raining. It was easy to trek Mt. Kulago when it was not sunny or too hot.  We pitched our tents and got ready for dinner. The locals set up a bonfire for us to gather and socialize. It was nice talking to different people from all walks of life. We met a talkative guide, a silent one, and more. I got th...
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How To Make Millions Before Grandma Dies: my journey with grief and depression

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How To Make Millions Before Grandma Dies directed by Pat Boonnitipat, was released to the theaters earlier this year. I didn't get the chance to watch it in the cinemas, and I'm thankful I didn't because I knew I'd be bawling my eyes out Fortunately, Netflix has it available for streaming, and I pressed the play button without thinking twice. Based on the Facebook posts I've seen, I already know the film will be emotional and a tearjerker. We follow M, who quits his online job ( gaming) to take care of his ill grandma. Although, M had an ulterior motive for the kindness he showed, eventually his love for his grandma took over and changed his mind. His grandmother's unconditional love touched him and it changed him forever.  When his grandmother thanked him for being there for her, my heart broke. It brought back memories of my own granny. I think the pain you feel after a loved one passes away is distinct, especially if it's your grandma. I recall how the ho...
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Untitled

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Look at how the tables have turned Fate is against me Teaching me a lesson I've already learned Making me pay for cheating fate Foolish me For thinking I can beat you in this game But Karma caught up on me The universe seems to be watching Every step Every whisper Every decision is a dagger to my heart  Thought I tricked my way out But boy am I a fool for thinking otherwise. E. March 2024
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