On gratitude and the feeling of being left behind

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In 2019, I read internet articles about life's meaning, growth, healing, and other topics. I came across an essay whose title and author I couldn't remember.



Credits to the writer of this article 

        

The writer was giving advice for anybody who's lost in their 20s. I jot down the places I've travelled at the time, my accomplishments, and random adventures that I could think of. I made this my life's motto/mantra afterwards. I chased the thrill, savored the moments outdoors, and for every experience life has offered me 

I made sure I was present in everything. 

Then the pandemic happened. I formed an unhealthy habit of mindlessly scrolling on TikTok. I was constantly upset and tired at work, I was overstimulated, and frustrated because my life's plan got delayed for another 2-3 years. 

It wasn't a great year, really. It felt like the world was spinning so fast that everyone who dared to pause gets left behind, and it does spin faster (with and without you, you know). 

Feeling left behind is inevitable especially when you constantly compare yourself to other people online (AKA insecurity). It's easy to compare your progress to the person you see online. It's easy to say, "she got it all easy that's why she has lots of things going on." And it's so easy to judge when you're chronically online and constantly comparing. 

I later learned that being kind to myself and grateful for the big and small things was helpful in battling comparison and insecurity. It shifted my perception and I started to be more compassionate with my journey. 

The 20 - year old me started to accept and understand the cards that she's been dealt with. Practicing gratitude is not a linear workaround. But it does make everything bearable when you learn to appreciate everything around you. 

It's not a perfect solution for the never ending comparison, but it helped the young me shift her focus back to herself — to grow and learn at her own pace. 

I want to end this random post that I am forever grateful for this life, the opportunities and redirections, the laughter and tears, the adventures and misadventures, the deep talks and the silence, the in-between and knowing what to do and where to go next. 

The 20 -year old me would've seen me as a cool person.

Always grateful,

Elaine

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