𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓦𝓮𝓮𝓴𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓟𝓪𝓰𝓮𝓼

If love visits me again, I hope I get treated right.  I hope love is brave enough to break the walls I built around me. I hope love will be patient enough. And I hope love chooses to stay. A friend once told me how love looked pretty on me.  But love turned me cold and left me.  Sucked the life out of me.  Made me anxious and vulnerable.  Love betrayed me.  I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to love again.  If also not sure if love will come in my life again.  But I'll hold on to this arabic quote,  "He came as a soul for my soul." I trust that love will find its way to me.  For now, I'll hide behind my walls and heal myself.  -E. 

It's been months but it still hurts seeing your favorite cafe. Whenever I pass by Coffee Project, it's you whom I remember.  I'll always recall how much you loved black coffee and how you were able to extend your use of the café's internet with your IT skills. I miss the time when you asked me out on a date after my shift 2 years ago.  I loved your spontaneity. I love the unplanned lunch date on a work weekday. I miss your messages. How our 500 pesos can take us to 2 places. How you introduced me to your world and how I learned to love it. I loved our silence. Your silence never made me anxious. In fact, it was calming. It let my guards and walls down. I loved how I could still do what I wanted and be myself while spending the day with you. The silence between us wasn't deafening. I don't feel anxious when I'm with you. You listened patiently when I talked excessively about a book or when I was crying because I had weird dreams again.  I miss how you used to...

The minute I heard Taylor Swift's new album, my heart fell in love instantly to one of her songs, Bigger Than The Whole Sky. It made me remember someone I never even get the chance to see and hold.  The song hits home and it became my favorite. Sky is one of the reason why I am addicted to pretty skies and sunsets.  This photo was taken this year after my shift. I was walking home when I noticed how pretty the sky was. Despite the scorching heat of the Sun, I managed to take this photo and I instantly liked it. I'm not a photographer but I liked how it turned out.  The second photo was taken on our family beach trip last June 2022.  Took this at my old place. I was sad and drained but Sky made me happy. Showed me how beautiful life is despite the ups and downs.  The sky mimics my mood. I was in love when Sky showed its pretty colors. I love the fact that all of my photos were not edited. The world looks different w...

Empathy: the superpower nobody warns you about. They say it’s the key to a fulfilled life. Honestly? I don’t know who “they” are — I probably made that up. But it sounds poetic, doesn’t it? Empathy is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing, because it allows you to truly understand others — to feel their pain, to be the light in their dark and narrow tunnel. But it’s also a curse, because people will take advantage of that light. And that, my friend, is exhausting. Having a soft heart can be a burden. It makes you a magnet for narcissists — their favorite kind of person. Why? Because you’re easy to manipulate. Easy to control. They’ll drain your energy, siphon your light to fill their own emptiness, and leave you hollow. Speaking from experience, this year has been one of the most draining I’ve ever had. Many of us were betrayed. Our spirits bruised. Mine especially. I’ve always been the go-to friend — the advisor, the comforter, the one who listens when everything falls apart. And wh...

Maintaining a good and stable mental health is essential for everybody. Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, and many more have been the highlight during the peak of COVID-19.  I'm no psychologist, but my Mommyta is. Whenever things go south, there's only one person I run into. Her. She's a combination of warmth and comfort. Logical and understanding.  We were on our way to Starbucks when I told her what happened to my friend earlier this year and how the experience made an impact on me.  She then uttered the words, " help is futile when help is not welcome. " It made sense. The following points below are the things we both agreed on.  1. Self help is useless if you don't grieve and accept your reality.  2. Emotional support from friends is useless if you resist help.  3. Happiness is a choice and will always be a choice.  I know a lot of people who asks for help but don't really help themselves. Sometimes, you need to pull yourself away from t...

It was late November when you said you loved me. I remember the exact moment. Not because it was beautiful— but because it was the beginning of the end. Looking back, I wasn’t special.  Just another girl you entertained when summer got boring.  I wanted to believe I mattered.  But deep down, I knew I didn’t. I won’t blame you.  I showed up.  I said yes. I was hungry for love—yours, specifically. And that night at the café?  I wish I hadn’t gone. You didn’t break me.  I walked into it with open eyes. I fell for the version of you that never existed.  And you? You loved me just enough to keep me close— until you didn’t. It wasn’t love.  It was a lesson. —E. (I wrote this poem after getting my heart broken by my almost. It was difficult yet I survived. I know you will too. Heal, love. Heal unapologetically.) -Dec, 2019

Give it time. My friend said to me after I shared how lonely I was. I told her how the deafening silence is slowy getting into my sanity, and how my cry for help was deliberately ignored.  Some may say, I need to be in a relationship to be happy, to laugh again. I just don't feel like it. The thought from jumping from one relationship to another scares me the most. I fear that my vulnerability will be the death of me. That another person will use me for his own convenience.  I stand firm in my principles and a decision has been made. I will not tie or associate myself to any casual relationship. I'm more than that. I deserve something real and true.  I hate to admit it but I crave for a soul connection than casual interaction. Love is different when you know you've touched each other's souls. Every inch, every part of it...is yours and yours alone.  Give it time. I now understand its gravity. Give it time and surely, you'll know who's who.  -E.