The Weekend Pages

Unfortunately, I belong to the minority. The hopeless romantic people living in modern society. I don’t know why I label myself as such. I don’t find it insulting though. In fact, I use it to my advantage. Because of me being so hopelessly romantic and believe in true love, I write. I have content people! ( hehe).  My perception of this label only changed when a former workmate insulted me in front of everyone because I’m into poetry. It took me a long time to process what she said and I began questioning my identity. Is writing short stories and poems a bad thing now? Does the label “ hopeless romantic” make me look stupid and naive? I was 18 at that time and unbeknownst to me, the world is filled with frustrated and insecure people like her. Nevertheless, I didn’t let her stop me. I continued writing and sharing what I love and do best on social media. I sometimes let myself fall into the abyss of my thoughts and ask myself these questions, “Is true love overrated nowadays? Does ...

I've been meaning to write this but I always forget. In a few days, we will face 2023 and its mysteries. I am both excited and afraid of what's in store for me. Will it be a great year? I have a lot of questions but I don't want answers. I want to figure it out on my own.  One more year until my brain is fully developed and I'll be a real adult by then. I hope that I won't be as emotional as I am right now. I sometimes despise my empathy and my heart but without these, I wouldn't have the courage and the talent to write.  What are my reasons to stay alive for the new year? Hmm. Let me think thoroughly. What exactly kept me alive despite the fact that I almost lost my mind earlier this year? 1. The good food you'll eat.  Yes. FOOD. I mean, tasty food makes me happy. It takes away my sadness and exhaustion. If I die now, I'll miss the chance to eat all the food that will make me happy. 2. The places you haven't been to. Travelling to places that piqued...

Me and my mama don't have the usual mother-daughter kind of relationship. Unlike most of you where you and your mom are a lovey-dovey type of people. We don't share that kind of intimacy. And I don't intend to be like most of you as well. It's better off this way. Setting up boundaries from my mom was the hardest decision because there's this thing that we Filipinos say, "maskig balihon ang kalibutan, mama japon nimo cya." However, I disagree with this statement. Sometimes boundaries are the only way to show you care for them and at the same time mind your own needs. When you're mom is abusive and a gaslighter, you don't want to be around her. I'm not discrediting and putting on some shade on her reputation. I understand why she's like that and I have hopes for her when she's old.  Sometimes I get emotional when I see some random strangers in the mall or whenever I'm out. I feel guilty for talking back but I also remind myself that ...

What love should feel like Love doesn't come in storms and hurricanes. It neither destroys nor creates chaos. It won't leave you confused and in tears at 3 AM. Instead... It comes in great waves of happiness and serenity. It gives peace to the troubled heart. It should never make you feel inadequate. Love is patient and kind. Yes, that's true.  When someone loves you for you, you'll feel it deep inside you. You'll feel the peace and the sincerity. Love brings out the best in you. Love doesn't leave- if it does, it will come back. and if it does, it will be sweeter.  It will heal your sad parts and fill you with inspiration. and Love will look pretty on you. -E. (This is a reminder to everyone that true and genuine love is never overrated. To love and be loved back is the most beautiful feeling in the universe. But you need to choose wisely and protect your heart at all costs. A lot of people want you because they know you're pure and that they can get someth...

Do you find it hard to say no to everyone? If your answer is yes, then my friend you're a people pleaser like me. The person who's willing to set aside her needs for others. I'm quite the hero, aren't I? Studies have shown that people pleasing roots from childhood. The child in you craves external validation. Validation from narcissists. People pleasers attract a lot of narcissists. It's how it is. It is the way of life and it's been like that for centuries. Some people pleasers are empaths with no boundaries. And like the wolf that they are, narcissists will grab the chance to control one's universe.  For 23 years, I realized how draining people-pleasing can be. Neglecting your own needs to prioritize others can be destructive.  Why is it so hard to say no? What with that word anyway? Are you afraid of disappointing the people in your life that every time they ask for a favor, your immediate answer is always a YES? I believe the people-pleasing should stop ...

These past few days I've been pressured to be and have everything at once. I feel like time is tricking me to rush because people are doing a lot these days, and all I do is work from 1 AM to 10 AM for 5 days, then attend my classes when I have the energy to stay awake until 3PM. I sometimes feel like I'm not putting more effort into my studies. ( Hello, Imposter Syndrome!) And since I live alone, I have tons and tons of chores to do. I really need to manage my time and plan my day to fit all the doable chores.  It may sound like I am making my life complicated when it shouldn't be, to begin with. Whenever my mind goes in that direction, to the "you're running out of time" direction, I always remind myself that everything that I want will happen when it's the right time.  One of the living proofs I have to justify my point is my Tita. It took her time to buy a house and live comfortably. Well, let's not forget my Papa, after 2 decades of working and fi...

Pa, I need you to cook food for me not because I don't know how or I'm being lazy. It's because I can't stand right now. My legs are trembling out of fear, anger, and exhaustion. Pa, my heart is in pieces right now that's why I can't buy myself food. I don't have the courage to put food in my stomach.  Pa, I've been thinking of suicide lately. I wonder how it feels like to trace my skin with the kitchen knife. I wonder how the world and people lives in it goes on with their lives years after I die.  Pa, the love of my life ( or at least the one I thought I love) hurt and betrayed me.  Pa, I'm thankful I get to be your eldest daughter. I'm your splitting image. Copy and paste as you put it.  But I'm not like you. You're way too strong than me. I think I failed you. I wasted your sacrifices for someone I thought I loved.  Pa, I need you to cook food for me because I'm on my wits-end and I'm afraid I might lose this battle.  (I wrote...