My need to do better

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This year is filled with setbacks after setbacks, rejections after rejections, and disappointments after disappointments. 

I've been resilient enough not to break whenever I see another rejection email or feedback for me. 

But during my shift today, I lost it. I broke down and cried because I fought hard just to get my application screened and to get an interview. Despite of people stopping me from doing so, I persisted and insisted to get a chance in that seat. 

Unfortunately, as much as I want to plan and control everything, I don't have the final decision -- with politics and favoritism present, I have little to no chance of winning. It's a demoralizing and unfair blow.

I actually don't know what's God 's plan for me. I'm not sure where to tread and what to work on anymore -- with so many doors, so many possibilities, so many roles that I see myself in, so many figs to pick and choose from. 

And I need to choose one among all the figs in the tree. 

I know this might be a redirection from what I think is best for me, but it's hard to see it right now when I'm filled with bitterness and disappointment. 


E. 



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