The Courage to Be Disliked: A book review #2 | Trauma Does Not Exist

Finally, I have the time to discuss my thoughts about the second topic that piqued my interest from the book I read recently, The Courage To Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga.

Trauma does not exist. At first, I was close to agreeing with the youth that the philosopher is nihilistic. The philosopher then explained what he meant. In Adlerian Psychology, trauma is DENIED. Unlike Freud's views and ideas about it, one's trauma ( psychic wounds) is the cause of his/her unhappiness. This is true for me, remembering traumatizing events in your life can be decapitating and exhausting.  (Figuratively and literally)

But let's give Alder a chance, shall we? 

1. "No experience is in itself a cause of our success and/or failures. We do not suffer from the shock of our experiences, but we make out of them whatever suits our purposes. We are not determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self-determining." - Philosopher

My take on this: I love how it emphasizes how we have CONTROL over our lives. We have the choice to move forward and create a better place/life for ourselves. Regardless of how painful our past was, it does not define our present selves. We can change for the better and it's only a matter of one single decision. A turning point between good and evil. It's your call. 

2. You are the one who decides how you live.

My take on this: This is also a powerful statement from the philosopher which I wholeheartedly agree. We often blame our past and the people in it for our current situation ( cause and effect). This connects to #1 too; no matter how ugly our past was, we have the choice to live beautifully in the present and future. 

I remember the 2018-me, after that traumatizing experience, I never blamed anyone but myself. In my head, it was me who put this upon myself. Why? Because I had the choice to say NO and shift my focus on me but I didn't. Instead, I let myself dwell on the uncontrollable aspects of my life at that time. As I stared into the abyss, I felt the light in me vanished. 

Until one day, it dawned on me that it was a waste to let my life slip away just like that. I decided to stop living like a robot and decided to take charge of myself once and for all. It was tough because I was grieving for what I'd lost not knowing God would bless me with even more than I asked. I even remember crying while I was on my knees, praying to God to take the pain away. 

I managed to laugh and smile like nothing happened. I shared the last of my happiness with the people around me without expecting anything in return. The loss of a loved one strengthened me during tough times, knowing my grandmother's prayers are still protecting me from the unknown. 

In conclusion, I like Adler's view on trauma more than Freud'. It gives us light-- a chance to make things better. This gives us hope that everything will be better in time as long as we choose to move forward. ( Because it will-- I promise)

To you, my dear readers, I hope you find strength in whatever phase you're in right now. 

Xoxo,

Elaine