Confessions of a former over achiever

To tell you the truth, I’m not a genius. I don’t share the same neurons as Albert Einstein. I don’t have any Nobel prizes. I’ve always considered myself average. Just an average girl.

But this “average” girl graduated as Valedictorian in high school in 2015. I received medals, full scholarships, and recognition that I never imagined I could earn. I was proud of myself. The struggles and tears I shed just to graduate with honors and secure a scholarship for college were worth it.

I was in my second year of high school when I promised myself I would finish with the highest honor I could attain. I wanted to make my grandmothers proud. It was my way of saying thank you for raising me and sending me to school. I prayed hard and studied harder. I just wanted to avoid summer classes. But I flunked one subject and ended up attending summer school. That experience taught me not to take anything for granted.

It didn’t matter whether I graduated as Valedictorian or Salutatorian. I just wanted enough recognition to honor my grandmothers and secure my spot at MSU-IIT. I knew I was bad at Math, so I studied even harder until I understood it.

But I never told anyone about my struggles, not because I didn’t want to, but because nobody asked. So I’m sharing them here.

1. I struggled with my mental health.

We were on the brink of bankruptcy because of my grandma’s hospitalization. We had to make ends meet. I cried every time tuition was due because we barely had enough money for medicine and food.

2. My classmates didn’t like me.

I was constantly invalidated. They said I wasn’t smart, just diligent. Comments like “She doesn’t have stock knowledge” or “She’s bad at Math” hurt me deeply. I cried inside. All I wanted was to go to college, and good grades were my only ticket.

3. Some teachers made things harder.

But looking back, I’m thankful. Their challenges prepared me for the fast-paced industry I work in today.

4. I don’t know everything.

I may act like I do, but I don’t. I’m a work in progress; a flawed human with limited experience.

5. My other grandma once said, “I thought you were smart? Why can’t you get it the first time?”

She didn’t know I was anxious. When I’m anxious, I can’t think straight. I can’t focus. But I understand her, so I smiled like the words didn’t sting.

6. My ex told me I didn’t deserve everything I had.

That was the deal breaker. I worked hard for everything I achieved, and he invalidated my efforts. The irony? He said that after flunking his exam. Ego check.

So yes, I’m not smart. I’m diligent. And that’s enough.

Don’t let anyone define your worth based on their standards. 

Your achievements and struggles are valid. You worked hard for what you have.

 Give yourself credit.

I love you.

-E.