Journey to Mindfulness

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In 2022, I told myself that I would practice stoicism and mindfulness to counter my tendencies toward overthinking. That decision led me to start blogging: sharing my thoughts, feelings, insights on life, book and movie reviews, and more. I wanted to be intentional: to explore my inner world and write with purpose. Yet, my mindfulness journey has never been a straight line.

There were times when I failed to follow my own values and principles. In those moments, I would remind myself, “That’s okay. I’m still human, with emotions. I’m bound to make mistakes and learn from them. I’ll try again tomorrow.” That has been my pattern for the past four years.

I fail, I learn, I pick myself up, I continue. Over time, I’ve realized that the more you ask for peace, the more chaos seems to appear. The more you practice being stoic, the more life throws triggers your way. I'm resolved to think that it’s life’s way of teaching patience, perseverance, and radical acceptance.

As someone controlling and perfectionist by nature, it’s difficult to accept when plans go south. I want everything to follow my “script,” and when it doesn’t… well, you know the frustration. I am rarely satisfied with others’ output, including my own. Things often fall short of the picture I’ve envisioned, and that leaves me even more unsettled. But this is exactly where mindfulness enters the picture. It reminds me that life isn’t meant to be scripted, and that clinging too tightly to an imagined outcome only amplifies disappointment. Mindfulness teaches me to soften my grip, to notice the discomfort without letting it consume me. 

I’m learning to give myself grace and space to fail—sometimes to fail harder. To try again and again until I reach what I’m striving for.

This journey tests my patience in ways I never imagined, but I welcome the challenge. If things don’t go as planned, I can still take the lesson and grow from it. I know it may sound like romanticizing the idea of being “cool” or “chill,” but I want to keep trying. I will fail, but I will continue. I still have so much to work on.

This shift doesn’t erase my perfectionist tendencies overnight. I still crave control, I still want things to align with my vision. I remind myself that mindfulness isn’t about perfection or a straight path. It’s messy, chaotic, and enriching. Only by embracing the shadow within can we begin to understand what this journey is truly about.


- E. 


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