When Will I Ever Learn?

They called it love. You called it survival. Every man you trusted rewrote your sanity.

Trusting too much is a wrong move. You see, when you trust too much, you're easily manipulated until you reach your breaking point. And you're never the same after that. When you trust too much and love too much, you make yourself vulnerable to gaslighting, manipulation, lying, cheating, and abuse.

When you trust too much and give your all, you're left with nothing. One will empty you out until you have nothing left to give but hurt and pain. Your reaction to pain will always be ridiculed by your abuser. Your behavior after the abuse will never be justified as a defense mechanism because you were expected to move on immediately.

Their expectations of your forgiveness and their second chance will exhaust you, and it will soon empty you out. It will suck your soul until you can't recognize yourself anymore. You'll lose yourself in the process of loving your abuser.

The pattern never ends. It will never end. You'll forgive and trust a little bit less, and you'll get hurt. But then, you'll forgive and trust again.

Soon enough, your pain will turn to anger. And you will be invalidated again. You will hear criticism about your pain, and you're not allowed to explain. No, darling. You have to be mentally and emotionally stable for everyone.

And when you leave, it will be lonely. Lonely because you're used to the abuse. And when you fall in love again, your triggers will betray you, and all the work you've done to yourself will vanish to thin air because you trusted a man again.

When will I ever learn?

E.