The Weekend Pages

They called it love. You called it survival. Every man you trusted rewrote your sanity. Trusting too much is a wrong move. You see, when you trust too much, you're easily manipulated until you reach your breaking point. And you're never the same after that. When you trust too much and love too much, you make yourself vulnerable to gaslighting, manipulation, lying, cheating, and abuse. When you trust too much and give your all, you're left with nothing. One will empty you out until you have nothing left to give but hurt and pain. Your reaction to pain will always be ridiculed by your abuser. Your behavior after the abuse will never be justified as a defense mechanism because you were expected to move on immediately. Their expectations of your forgiveness and their second chance will exhaust you, and it will soon empty you out. It will suck your soul until you can't recognize yourself anymore. You'll lose yourself in the process of loving your abuser. The pattern neve...

I've been ruminating for days now. I’ve been consistently ticking off my to-do list for the week and I managed to survive the work and school week too. But sometimes, I would stop and think about my purpose… my life. Is this it? Am I happy? Am I doing well? Unfortunately, I don’t have the answers to my questions. I made a habit of going to the park early in the morning to breathe and escape the matrix for awhile.I read books, I painted, and ate my snacks there. And for a moment, I felt this sense of belonging. The trees gave me a sense of “home” that day.  And I thought about dying. In the middle of a peaceful morning, I was thinking about death and grief. I’ve always known that life doesn’t stop for me or for anybody. So even if I die today, the world will still spin and the people in it will continue their normal lives.  I will be forgotten by my friends years from now. I will disappear like a bubble. It’s funny how we’re a speck of dust in the middle of a vast universe. Do...