I don't need male friends

-
After seeing Kelly Stamps' vlog on YouTube, I realized that I don't need male friends. I believe all women go through this phase wherein one just realizes that you can't be nice to men in a platonic way. It's either they objectify or sexualize you or they ask you out on a date and then ghost you. Or it could be that they project their frustrations to you because they can't have the girl they really want. 

I learned my lesson the hard way. I was always "the" nice and caring friend to all genders. My kindness is not gender-biased and if I care, I really do. However, last year, I got into A LOT of petty issues that involved MEN. 

I cannot count how many days I cried because I was misunderstood. Some men only want to do the deed with me, and some think of me as a flirt when I was just being polite and kind. I also can't explain myself because they won't listen.  ( So what's the point of correcting their impression if they won't listen ?)

I think these men never knew kindness and never had one wholesome relationship with the opposite gender. It's sad to think that even the guys you thought of as your friends sexualize and make fun of you. What's worst was getting into petty fights with other women because they think I like their boyfriend. For God's sake, you need to take your glasses off and assess your man one more time without it. 

At that time, it felt like everything I say and do is wrong and offensive to all genders, specifically, men. It was wrong to maintain peace when all they see is you doing all the wrong things. I tried to be understanding but all they do is take advantage. 

Understanding the male psyche is hard. You can't tell if they're being sincere or not. Dealing with jealous girlfriends is harder. (This is for another topic though).

I know this is harsh but some of my male friends are just not my type and vice versa. They scream chaos and immaturity to me. Some cannot regulate their emotions and can't apologize sincerely. Some don't go by their values and principles. And oh, I hate men who have vices, the ones who smoke regularly. I do know that I'm not their type too, and that's fine. 

And I did the most brave thing one can do, I set boundaries, I cut someone off from my life, I don't respond to messages I don't like, and more. And I don't have plans of repairing the bridge I burned. No, Sir. 

It came to a point that I was tired of being kind to everyone. I realized everybody doesn't deserve my kindness and friendship. If one wants more than that then be straightforward and be more intentional. 

I grieved for months after that. I had to isolate myself and I removed myself from the picture to calm my mind. It was hard but I'm tired of being passive.

So here were are almost at the end of the year, and I've successfully asserted my boundaries. And to be honest, I don't care who I lose anymore. 

E.

PS. Choose your friends wisely and always choose yourself. <3
PPS. I'm not generalizing that all men are like this. I guess I was just in the wrong crowd.


Kelly Stamps' YouTube video of " I don't need male friends": https://youtu.be/6kXFGsz9ABo?si=t8gtUyjfygjGJzY8

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Reasons to stay alive

-
I've been meaning to write this but I always forget. In a few days, we will face 2023 and its mysteries. I am both excited and afraid of what's in store for me. Will it be a great year? I have a lot of questions but I don't want answers. I want to figure it out on my own.  One more year until my brain is fully developed and I'll be a real adult by then. I hope that I won't be as emotional as I am right now. I sometimes despise my empathy and my heart but without these, I wouldn't have the courage and the talent to write.  What are my reasons to stay alive for the new year? Hmm. Let me think thoroughly. What exactly kept me alive despite the fact that I almost lost my mind earlier this year? 1. The good food you'll eat.  Yes. FOOD. I mean, tasty food makes me happy. It takes away my sadness and exhaustion. If I die now, I'll miss the chance to eat all the food that will make me happy. 2. The places you haven't been to. Travelling to places that piqued...
Read more

My two cents on pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood

-
It irks me whenever a 30+ something woman tries to lecture me on FaceBook about having babies as early as now. No, thanks. Not for now please. Do I want to be a mother in the future? Yes. But not now, because I know I’m going to be a bad mother. Bad mother in a sense that I’m afraid I’m not going to fulfill my motherly duties because I still have a lot of healing work to do.  How you treat your child since day one affects their entire personality and how they view the world. I’ve learned in Developmental Psychology that there are four types of parenting categories: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. Let me summarize the categories for you:  (1) Authoritarian; the strict parents. (2) Authoritative; nurturing, with rules to obey, and asserts reward-and- punishments. (3) Permissive; you know Lorelai and Rory, right? Yeah. This is Lorelai’s parenting style. They impose limited rules on their children. (4) Uninvolved; best examples are my parents. So whatever...
Read more

Silver year

-
Image
I celebrated my silver year by camping at Pine Ridge, Malaybalay, Bukidnon last August 2-3 with my long-distance friend, LJ. The place was all we needed. It was quiet and peaceful, with no phone reception ( so we couldn't check our socials). It was my first time camping and I'm glad I finally did what I've always wanted since I was a kid, to camp.  On my way to Malaybalay, I was nervous about the weather. It was raining from Manolo Fortich all the way to Impasug-ong. I prayed for clear skies that day but God has other plans. The heavy clouds followed me to Malaybalay and it did not hesitate to pour its waters. I did not see it as an inconvenience though. It was part of my adventure. When we got to Pine Ridge, the place was straight out of  Taylor Swift's album, Folklore. It was such a beauty even though it was raining.  We talked and did some catching up, ate our no-rice dinner because we were too tired to cook, and drank our hot milk. We paid and booked AR's campsi...
Read more