Radical acceptance and on running a race I never signed up for

Adulthood has a weird way of handing us a scorecard the moment we cross the threshold. We are taught to measure our value by a rigid checklist of ages and titles. If you hit a milestone at nineteen, people call you a prodigy. If you land a specific job by twenty-three, you are labeled a success. We are constantly pressured to compare our speed to everyone else, as if life were a sprint with just one finish line. For a while, I let those external metrics make me question my own direction. Don't get me wrong, if you've achieved all of these early on, I'm happy for you. You got there because of your hardwork.

In school, I always knew my potential. I graduated high school as the Valedictorian of my batch and earned a scholarship at MSU-IIT, which is a place that demands a lot from its students. But as life moved forward into my twenties, my timeline started to look different from the people around me. I finished my degree at my own pace at age 26, and in a completely different universtiy too. I used my own savings to finish my degree, and I think this is an achievement for me.  I took the time I needed to grow up, to figure things out, and to find my footing.

There were moments of frustration, of course. I remember failing a virtual assistant assessment on my first try simply because I ran out of time. Someone close to me stepped in to help by basically taking over the answers on the second try. Even though it was a shortcut, I appreciated the gesture deeply. It came from a place of wanting to lift me up and help me get my foot in the door, and I still hold genuine gratitude for that kindness. But even with that help, it just wasn't the right path for me, and I didn't get in. And I want to be as honest as I can here, I failed a LOT of interviews since 2021 because I was too scared to step up, or I just didn't get in. I also rejected a lot of offers because they were lowballing me. Again, if it's not for me, then it's not for me.

Recently, that very same person decided to insult me publicly online. She used her platform to list out my past failures that were known to her, mocking me for falling short of her own rigid standards. She even weaponized my age, calling me a woman pushing into her  thirties who is still an underachiever with "zero self-awareness". Hearing that from someone I once trusted was incredibly disappointing, but it also made me realize how flawed her mindset truly is. It is a shame when people succumb to their own insecurities to the point that it overflows, causing them to project their own internal noise onto someone else's life.

I used to be highly competitive, but chasing that constant validation burned me out so fast. I no longer want to measure my worth by a job title or an age bracket. Living with such a rigid checklist must be exhausting, and I can only imagine how empty it feels to constantly monitor someone else's life just to validate your own.

As a woman navigating this phase of my life, I am still learning. And as I learn, I have come to accept that it is completely normal to fail, to stumble, and to fall. The most important thing is that I always find the strength to pick myself up and continue my journey.

Through this process, I have grown to love the psychological concept of radical acceptance. Originating from Dialectical Behavior Therapy, radical acceptance is the practice of completely accepting reality exactly as it is in the present moment, without judgment, denial, or resistance. It does not mean you approve of a painful situation or agree with how someone treated you. Instead, it means you stop fighting against reality, releasing the bitterness so that your pain doesn't turn into prolonged suffering.

Applying radical acceptance to my life has brought me so much peace. When I turned twenty-five, I finally understood that we all have our own unique phase and pace in life. You simply cannot compare your timeline to mine, and trying to live with that hyper-competitive mindset will only lead to deeper frustration. If a specific opportunity is truly meant for me, it will find its way to me no matter how long it takes. It won't pass me by.

Now that I am in my late twenties, I look at life through a completely different lens. I eventually found my own blessings on my own terms. I am currently employed directly by a foreign client, earning an income that is built entirely on my own merit and hard work. It is a freelance path, which means it comes with its own rhythms and instabilities, but it belongs completely to me. I never had to compromise my integrity, and I don't have to live under anyone else's shadow to feel secure.

Our achievements and our failures do not define who we are as human beings. A rapid promotion or a loud job title is just temporary noise. True maturity is not about collecting badges to prove your worth to the public. It is the ability to look at your life, recognize your own steady growth, and be completely at peace with the space you have built for yourself. Being self-aware means being secure enough in your own truth that you don't need to tear someone else down just to feel tall.

-E. 

PS. Thanks for silently binge reading my blog, btw.