The Weekend Pages

How do I breathe again? When I've lost the battle? When I think I can't see the surface.  How do I breathe again? When I realize he was never my best friend? All those secrets shared were forgotten. The echoes of his silence are deafening. All those moments with him went to waste. How do I breathe again? When I know he's never coming back. When I'm surrounded by strangers  who doesn't understand me.  How do I breathe again? When I miss him every waking hour. What is it about love that makes us stupid? How do I breathe again? When I know that I will never feel the same love again.  E. 

I am sitting here at work, thinking about my dream summer trip. If inflation and money weren’t factors, I wouldn't be writing this - I'd be packing. It may be preposterous to think about escaping the mundane, but I can’t help it.  I want to feel the sea breeze. Hear the waves crashed against the shore,  and be alone with nothing on my mind but the moment.  Back in 2019, I used to go out every month. I found peace outside. But the global pandemic locked me indoors, and it made me love my own personal bubble. I rediscovered my love for art, books, and movies. Now that everything is open for the public and traveling is back, I want to go back to solo traveling (if the budget allows). I fully understand how expensive it is right now to do what I want but daydreaming about it won't do me no harm. I never wrote about the time when me and my coworkers went to Camiguin for 3 days and 2 nights. Maybe because I was overwhelmed at the time and I only started my blog two years ago. ...

I read a poem from one of my favorite poets, Pablo Neruda. I love how everyday I get to learn new things from books I bought from BookSale or from watching a few coming of age movies. There is indeed more to life than seeking external validation. There's life in knowledge and curiosity.  I want to share this poem to you and I hope it made you feel the same way. One Hundred Love Sonnets: XVII I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,    or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:    I love you as one loves certain obscure things,    secretly, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries    the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,    and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose    from the earth lives dimly in my body. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,    I love you directly without problems or pride: I love you like this ...

Today, I realized how easy it is to fall in love and fall out of love from someone you swore you'd love forever. I really think that humans are polygamous by nature. We get attracted to others while being in a committed relationship. Men for example, they're the first ones to fall in and out of love and this alone scares me the most. I can't afford spending time with someone who'll leave after a year or two. I can't bear the thought of giving someone my entirety when he's giving me half-hearted love. I find it unfair. This kind of relationship is unfair and you can't talk me out of it. Maybe because I saw my lolo leave my lola for another woman. We were on the bus home when my lola got a text from my lolo. The text was meant for the other woman, and I can never forget how she silently cried while consoling my tita. I saw the bruises on my mama's face and body when my papa laid his hand on her. I saw how men can change a woman's life. I can never for...

 I'm learning a lot about resilience lately. Whenever I listen to stories from people I know, I always feel bad for being ungrateful for what I have. I’m not saying that their situation is worse than mine, but I get this feeling of guilt because I feel dissatisfied with my life. I also had this thought the other day about the margin between the rich and the poor. As a person with a low income, it’s hard not to compare. People my age are successful, and I love it for them. I really do. These little insecurities-turned-inspirations are the reason why I persevere in life.  This week, my sister's friend asked for help with her job hunting. I gave her the necessary details and information to pass her interview. Unfortunately, her first try did not go well. I feel bad because she had to travel from Iligan to Cagayan de Oro with her baby just for that interview.  It breaks my heart to be financially incapable of helping everyone. I am neither a superhero nor the president of our...